Hi there,
I wont and don't want to start by telling you about myself. That to me seems like something you should and will learn over time. So I will just jump right into it.
Did you ever make a choice in your life and know where it would take you? Did you just follow the course of events and let them unfold? Such is the way of a meandering river, it doesn't chose, it just knows it need to get to the ocean. Then it goes. If your life could fork either left or right, and you chose right, would you look back and wonder why didn't you take the left?
I have been pondering over my sexuality lately. I am a homosexual, a queer, a fag, and a thousand other things. I am not saying I am not, just that I am not sure when it was chosen that this is what I would be. When did I chose this? Did I chose this? Was it chosen for me? I don't know. Looking back into my past I barely remember coming out as an act. I know it is something I did, and when I did it. I remember the first person I came out to. . . .but the rest is blurry. What I ponder is when did I say to myself, I am gay.
I have a hard time believing that anyone would chose to be gay. Just wake up and say to themselves. . . . I think I am going to be gay for the rest of my life. A choice of that magnitude can and will effect every other outcome in ones life. Who they hang around, the jobs they will get, how whole civilizations will view you. The thought of it is a very daunting thing. That a small shift in thoughts can affect everything. Taking that into consideration would they still chose to go down that path? I would.
Basing everything I know off of how I felt, I just guess, I knew I was gay. As a kid you don't know what it is, just that you are not like everyone else. But that is the beauty of youth, it didn't matter. There was no judgment as kids. I really wish society as a whole was like that. No judgment, just acceptance. This isn't applicable to just homosexuality but to anything different, to all differences. Imagine the possibilities of everything. And I mean EVERYTHING!! There would be a limitless amount of things humans could do if we would stop getting in each others way.
I like to think that everyone is on a journey like a river. Like every river, no two get to the ocean the same way, on the same path, or hell some dont' even end in the same ocean. However, the ocean is till a shared body of water. In my mind every persons in journey is to enlightenment. How ambiguous one would say. There is more to that then it seems though. Enlightenment of all the worlds problems, to how to fix a small part, to help someone else, to be better.
When people hate, hurt, put down, label, and just about anything negative to someone else we hinder there flow. This is similar to a damn in a real river. So when I ask would you still make a choice if you knew the products that would follow, I mean to say why would anyone, even yourself, try to hinder that flow? Deny something you are, just because people don't agree? To do something such as this is not only an injustice to yourself, but to humanity as a whole.
People should help each other, no matter what. We are in the 21st century, yet we are still in a crumbling world because there are to many people ready to hinder other people because they are insecure with something in there own lives, money, love, jobs, etc. Everyone could solve just one problem that effected themselves and in the process helped just one other person imagine where we would be. Maybe our world wouldn't be falling apart under us. So I will end this post with something I found spray painted on the ground outside of the bookstore in seattle. It was a simple sentance that made me think. I hope it does for you also.
"Try Harder, We could Be So much Better."
